LENNY'S LEGS

Lenny stood looking down at his miserable naked legs. The changing room appeared smaller than when he had entered and the curtain less concealing. Pinned in the corner of the cubicle he watched the thin pleated material billow open and closed at the faintest whiff of air. The cloth was so light it barley needed an excuse to part down the centre or seep at the edges. Transfixed Lenny traced the movement catching glimpses out onto the shop floor, where he could see his companion patiently waiting. She seemed even prettier under the sassy light offered by this pretentious shop and his startlingly white legs didn't seem worthy. He observed an embarrassed marble effect grow around his thighs as the curtains teased an impromptu reveal and standing tall on the now two lumps of corn beef, Lenny became angered by the flimsy lack of shelter. He likened the feeble curtains to a pair of crotchless panties, decorative but serving no purpose. Added to their lack of function, both unfortunately and disturbingly, this particular dish of cotton didn't even frame anything of great sexual interest, just his pale half undressed physique.

Lenny, although he could clearly see out, was confident that nobody could see in, due to the bias of lighting and persevered with the trying on of the chosen garment. The garment had been chosen for him and although unsure, Lenny had gracefully accepted. He reached down and angling each foot into the over priced and not 'altogether him' pair of blue cords, slowly edged them up and over his calves. They greeted his knee with relative ease and Lenny understanding this to be the half way point, took a moment to compose himself. He looked out checking for any prying eyes and content he was not being watched, gathered the belt line of the trouser and took a deep breath. Lenny knew the second half of the journey would prove difficult, he had always avoided such drain pipe configurations as these and closing his eyes pulled up hard. The seat of the cords leap up and over his thighs with ease but as the

narrowing leg of the trouser cruised up the marbled ivory, considerable friction hindered its progress. Lenny, head angled to the heavens and eyes firmly shut, pulled harder letting out a small squeal as the cords tweaked hairs and gorged flesh to their resting place. Hastily he fastened the riveted buttons and leant against the wall his eyes still closed. Lenny took a moment masked in the innocence offered by his eyelids, imagining how the cords should look. He thought about the wonderful things that awaited him in these new trousers. He marvelled in the idea of the blue cords being the key to his future and wearing them, how dynamically he would carve his way to success. Lenny then took a peek, it wasn't a pleasant sight. His legs bulged in odd places and the trousers pinched and tweaked in others.The lines of the cord formed weird contours over his legs, similar to the mapping of a variable terrain such as the peak district. They were in short a monstrosity. Lenny ran his thumbs around the bagging waist and confirming that he had the right size, felt his chin begin to quiver. Lenny bit his lip in an attempt to stifle any leaking emotion. Things were going well with Kate, the beautiful girl waiting on the shop floor, but Lenny knew the sight of him in these things had even the power to part conjoined twins. He hopelessly paced on the spot, there was no emergency exit in this white veneered two-by-two ply wood closet, no hatch to escape through. A tear broke and like a dog let loose, ran down his cheek joyfully mocking his predicament. Lenny hadn't the mettle just to admit they didn't fit and sankey doodle out of the shop gifting them back to the tiller. Lenny knew he was committed to parading the blue cords and instead silently wept pawing the wall.

Lenny stood straight trying to shake the big girls blouse that had bubbled up inside him. He squeezed his eyes closed, trying to ring out the last tear and struggled to get a hold of himself. He liked Kate a lot and couldn't face jeopardising the relationship with 

an ill choice of trouser. He looked down again at the tight cords randomly angling their way to his feet. He was screwed, not even his mother would be prepared for the sight of him in these leggings. Lenny sniffled and mopped at his running nose. It wasn't fair, he was not prepared to apologise for the fact his parents weren't smack heads and that he hadn't been malnourished as a child. Nor would he apologise for having once picked up a rugby ball or having squatted on the odd occasion in a public toilet. Lenny had muscles and bones in his legs and he wasn't about to disown them for the want of being fashionable. He looked down at the piping trousers. How on earth do these fit men? Had things changed so dramatically that with evolution his physique had grown over weight? Lenny again felt his chin begin to give way. He was not over weight, he was of an average size! Possessed with an inner despair, a curious cowardliness, an unwillingness to accept that his average legs were too fat for the current trend, Lenny clambered up on the courtesy chair. He reached up and battled open the slender window. There maybe no fire escape or secret hatch but he would find a way out. He wasn't going to be caught. He wasn't too fat.

Unfortunately if Lenny had managed a moment's composure, he would have noticed that not only was the window alarmed, but also there was no chance he would fit through it. Arms pinned to his side and body wedged from the gut down, Lenny found himself stuck fast in the slight window with his head hanging out over a small side street. As the blood rushed to his brain an inner calm fell upon him and he found himself politely smiling at passers by, as the alarm sang it chorus behind him. The odd bleat from Kate also made its way through the window, but this didn't disturb Lenny's new found peace, he knew he had blown any chance with her. Resigned Lenny was just grateful to be a whole wall physically removed from the horrid ill fitting blue cords.