‘Sorry for stealing your garden gnome’
Inspiring that a thief would return a gnome years after stealing it, due
to the growing guilt whilst tending their own newly acquired garden.
Inspiring, commendable but curious. Why is a person retreading an
act committed fourteen years ago? Why is this person allowing such
an act to twist at their intestine? Has the subject found Jesus at their
dwelling in Leeds? Or are they simply clearing out their childhood
bedroom?
It would be wrong to assert a reason, but one’s head is allowed to wonder,
and in this free world of unmonitored mutterings, post such imaginings.
Perhaps the guilt had played so heavily on this crook’s mind that, when
bench pressing a record high, the very thought had been fuel enough to
push that bar from their chest. Maybe, driving home, before they struck
up their plasma retaining wall, it was this orphaned gnome that
accompanied them causing the radio waves to break with
infuriating static.
Had the very image of this nabbed pot haunted their mind so furiously
that it had impelled them to cast aside this callous crime? Or sadly, was
this pirate merely concerned that the same fate would befall their own
handsome fleet of gnomes unless amends were made? For me I fear the
latter is true, in growing all proud and green fingered, the felon had just
found a new respect for his holy plot of land, his retreat. In return, reflecting
upon it’s disruption and believing that by returning the gnome, his good will
would patrol his pasture and gnomes.
Unfortunately such an empty gesture will not save his static congregation
of rosy cheeked ornaments; barbed wire and a security camera might! I say
might, it won’t! I have already invested in a contingency plan. If I can’t climb
his garden wall, I am going to take my purposely bought remote control
plane and fly the bugger around his plot of land until I hear all manner
of crashing ceramics!
Headlines are reactions, thoughts and warblings
on curious newspaper headlines.
